


Threw It All Away

by thegreatficmaster



Series: Supernatural Collection [134]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Break Up, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Loving Dean Winchester, M/M, Reader-Insert, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 05:17:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20270599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatficmaster/pseuds/thegreatficmaster
Summary: Dean Winchester can never accept the happiness he has.





	Threw It All Away

_“Y/n! Come on!”_

_Dean was never the type to mark important dates like this._

_Hell, he barely even celebrated his own birthday._

_So an anniversary should’ve just been another day to him._

_Except, it wasn’t._

_Because, it was **your** anniversary._

_Exactly a year since he asked you to be his._

_Since he finally got the balls to tell you about how he’d been feeling for years._

_To finally make you his._

_Every day had been filled with happiness since then._

_Even on his worst days, Dean would come to you for support. For love._

_And you’d always give it to him._

_No one had loved him the way you did._

_Not Sam._

_Not John._

_Not any of his flings that lasted more than a night’s fuck._

_You were always with him, no matter what._

_No expectations._

_No abandoning him._

_Just love._

_You rushed out of your room, running down the corridor and jumping into Dean’s arms._

_“Carry me to our carriage, my prince!”_

_He chuckled at your dramatic flair, twirling you around, a flash catching your attention._

_“What the hell?”_

_You looked over, Sam holding his phone up, a wide smile on his face._

_“Really?”_

_He shrugged, proud that his brother had you in his life._

_“What? You looked cute. Besides, you need a reminder of your first anniversary. I might use it for the slideshow at your wedding”._

_You scoffed, shaking your head in amusement._

_“Well, I think it’s a good idea. Stock up beforehand”, Dean commented, kissing your cheek softly._

_You looked at him in wonder, eyebrows shooting up, a grin on your face._

_“We’re gonna get married?”_

_“Yup. Not letting you out of my sight”._

_You smirked, gripping his face, and planting a soft kiss on his lips._

_“Good. Cos I’m not planning on going anywhere”._

Dean sniffled as he held the picture of the two of you engaged in a kiss, love pouring out of your eyes, only for each other.

If only he could go back to that time.

Back to when he had you.

When he loved you.

Hell, he still did.

But it was your love that had gone.

And all of it was his own fault.

Never fully happy with what he had. 

Never accepting with the joy you gave him, instead wanting more.

So he did what the Winchesters do best.

He threw the world away.

_“I still can’t believe it”, you said in awe, looking out at the large courtyard in front of the house you’d just bought._

_It wasn’t the large, five bedroomed house you secretly wished you could have._

_There was no driveway. _

_No white picket fences, or any of that._

_There were houses left and right, all around you. _

_But to you, it was perfect._

_A place for you and Dean._

_Away from hunting._

_Away from death, pain and torture._

_A new life. _

_Just the two of you._

_He came up behind you, arms wrapping around your waist, the butterflies fluttering inside at his touch as you leaned against him._

_“Believe it, sweetheart. Just you and me. Sammy’ll be fine. I’ve got you now. And we’re making this work. I can promise you that”._

_You smiled, his lips meeting your neck, his slight scruff that he’d been growing out tickling your skin._

_“Good. Like I said-not going anywhere”, you muttered, turning in your husband’s arms and pushing him back into the house, shutting the door behind you, hoping none of the neighbours would hear your morning of passion._

“Hey, Dean. I-I think we’re gonna have to call someone in for help”.

Dean looked up, wiping the few tears away from his face, folding the picture up and putting it back into his wallet.

“What? Why?”

Sam sat down, explaining the dozens of vampires he’d discovered were causing the deaths. Draining the victims of their blood surgically, instead of using their fangs.

“Right. And there’s no way we can do this alone?”

Dean hated bringing other people in.

There were very few hunters he fully trusted.

And there wasn’t a single one of them in the vicinity right now.

Well-not to his knowledge.

“Dean. I know we’re usually lucky when it comes down to it. But there’s way too many of them to go at it alone”.

Dean nodded, telling Sam to call whoever he wanted for this hunt, his mind too focussed on you.

Today would’ve been the seventh anniversary of your marriage.

Seven years he could’ve had with you.

With your love.

But he didn’t even make it a full year, before he destroyed everything.

_“Where were you?”_

_Dean jumped, dropping his keys as he looked at you, sat on the couch, tired and pissed._

_“I-I just went out”, he stuttered, his heart pounding, wishing you were asleep right now._

_“Out? Out where? To the bar? To the grocery store? Or to that bitch in the diner who practically drools over you every day? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO!”_

_Dean was taken aback by the rage and accusations._

_He knew he’d been sneaking out for a few weeks now._

_But the fact that you could even think that he would cheat on you broke his heart._

_“It’s nothing like that. I promise, y/n. I would never. That girl’s nothing to me. She’s a waitress. Nothing more”._

_You breathed heavily, your jaw clenching as you stood._

_“Well, if you weren’t fucking her, who were you fucking? Because I can smell it, Dean. That cheap shitty soap you use. The one that covers our fucking sheets when you sneak in. I’m not that dumb. We might not be hunters anymore, but I haven’t lost my fucking senses!”_

_He sighed, walking towards you, hands landing on your shoulders as he held you softly._

_“Just-sit down and let me explain?”_

_You wanted to kick him out and never let him back into your life. _

_But the look in his eyes told you he most likely didn’t cheat._

_You still couldn’t help that feeling that told you it was probably something you wouldn’t like._

_“Fine. But I want to know everything”._

_“So-you’re telling me you’re hunting again? After everything that’s happened. After we gave up the life to have our happily ever after. You’re running off and finding shit to kill?”_

_Your voice was as calm as you could get it, yet shaking with anger._

_“It-it’s not like that, y/n”._

_You scoffed, standing and walking to the window._

_“What is it like, Dean? Cos you’ve just told me that you’re still hunting. That you find cases and take care of them. But now you’re telling me ‘it’s not like that’? So what the hell is it like?”_

_“I-Sammy still needs me, ok? And I can’t just leave my brother behind. Not-I just can’t”._

_You whipped back around, eyes wide, fists clenched at your sides._

_“Sammy needs you? What about me? What about the life that we’re meant to build together? Cos Sam’s a grown ass man, Dean. He can handle himself. So I know for a fact, that it’s not him seeking you out. But you seeking him”._

_Dean knew you were right._

_Sam was fine on his own._

_But Dean just couldn’t let his brother out of his life._

_He was so used to seeing him every single day, that being away didn’t feel right._

_At all._

_“I-I know. I know that. Believe me, I do. But-he’s my brother, y/n. He’s my life. You can’t just expect me to forget about him”._

_You knew there was no arguing with him._

_You’d never once asked him to forget Sam. Never demanded that he be forgotten._

_But you knew Dean._

_And you knew Sam was his world._

_Above all else, Sam came first._

_And that meant you would never be the most important thing to him._

_You’d never be his first priority._

_And as much as you loved Dean, you needed that love._

_That all-encompassing, suffocating, soul filling, pure love._

_“Choose”._

_His head snapped up, his jaw dropping as his throat dried._

_“W-what?” he croaked, praying you wouldn’t make him do this._

_Praying that you’d let him have the two most important people in his life, without having to pick._

_“I said-choose. Hunting with Sam. Or this life. With me. You choose”._

_You left him with that, walking out of the house and deciding to sleep at a motel. _

_Hoping that when you came home, he’d be there._

_That he’d choose your love. _

_Your new life. _

_Your new marriage._

_That he’d choose you._

“Uh-I think this is the house”.

Dean nodded, looking out of the window, staring at the large house, the garden filled with violets in bloom, a cat sat on the porch, birds in the trees.

It was like a scene out of a movie.

“Who is this?”

Sam glanced at his brother, stopping him before they entered the garden.

“It-it’s y/n”, Sam admitted, praying his brother wouldn’t hate him too much.

“Y-y/n? How-I thought-how long?”

Sam knew what his brother was asking, feeling horrible for having kept it all a secret.

“Uh-I found out a few years ago. Ran into y/n on the streets. And-well, we got to talking. Got each other’s numbers. And we speak every few weeks”.

Dean gulped, nodding as his heart pounded, knowing you were just a few feet away from him.

“Did-did I ever come up?”

Sam sighed, shaking his head regretfully.

“I-I’m sorry, Dean. We just check on each other. Nothing else”.

Dean screwed his eyes shut.

You’d been speaking with his brother for years.

Yet, never once did you ask about him.

You were together for almost two years.

Even got married.

But he was never something you were interested in finding out about.

Then again, he was the one who left.

The one who stayed with you, giving you hope that you could make it work, only to leave a mere two months later, without a single word.

Left you in that house, cold and alone.

If it was him, he’d hate himself too.

Hell, he did.

He’d abandoned you like you were one of his hook-ups.

He should’ve made it work.

He should’ve showed you he loved you. Made sure you knew it and fought for you.

But he was weak.

The constant arguments wearing down at him, the two of you always screaming at each other.

Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore.

So he left.

And now, here he was, knocking on your front door and waiting to see your face.

He wondered how you’d look.

Had you aged? 

Was your hair the same? 

Maybe you even sounded different.

Hell, he could barely remember what your voice sounded like.

But all that left his mind as soon as the door opened, a tall man staring at them.

“Can I help you?”

Sam looked at his brother, mouth opening in confusion.

“Uh-sorry to bother you. But-is there anyone by the name of y/n living in this area? I’ve got this listed as the address. But-obviously that’s wrong”, he chuckled nervously, noticing how threatening the man’s stance was, as though he was read to beat anyone who dared to get on his bad side. 

“Can I ask how you know y/n?”

“Oh. We’re-uh-childhood friends. Just passing through town and thought we’d pay y/n a visit”.

The man stared at them for a few seconds, before the angry look left his face, replaced with the sweetest grin the brothers had ever seen. 

“Really? I’m Charlie. Y/n’s husband. So, you’ve got the right place”, he said, his words filled with joy and amusement.

“Charlie! Who is it?”

You walked to the door, peering over your husband’s shoulder, the smile on your face instantly falling.

“Hey, y/n?”

“Sammy. D-Dean. What-uh-what are you doing here?”

“Lemme take him, sweetie. You catch up with your friends”.

Charlie took Daniel from your arms, carrying your son up the stairs and to his bedroom, leaving you with the man who abandoned you all those years ago, and his brother.

“W-what are you guys doing here?” you asked, avoiding Dean’s eyes, still not having forgiven him for abandoning you all those years ago.

“Uh-we-we needed help with a case”, Sam stuttered, not once remembering you mention dating someone knew, let alone a child.

“Oh-right. Uh-do you need me? Cos, I don’t really do that anymore”, you stated, not wanting to bring any type of drama, or danger, into your new life.

“Well, we kinda need all hands on deck, right now. It’ll just be this one case”.

You nodded, knowing that they wouldn’t be here if they weren’t totally desperate.

“Oh-ok then. Just-go in. I need to check on Charlie and Daniel first. Then I’ll be right down”.

Sam nodded, leading his brother to the living room, totally frozen with shock and regret, his heart breaking as he heard you walk up the stairs, to your husband and son.

The husband who probably wouldn’t abandon you like he did.

The son that he wondered if maybe you’d have had, had he stayed with you.

Stood in the beautiful house that he could only dream of providing you.

But he’d lost that chance when he walked out.

And now he’d have to spend god knows how long in this house, with you, your husband, and your son.

** _“I am way too sober for this”._ **

Dean left his brother, finding his way to the kitchen, needing to grab a beer.

As soon as he saw the fridge, he saw the dozens of drawings done by your son. 

The anniversary cards. 

Birthday cards.

And right in the centre, a picture of you, Charlie, and Daniel.

Stood in front of your house.

Charlie holding you close to his side, Daniel in your arms.

Looking like the perfect family.

Maybe it was the fact that today was a special day for you. Maybe it was the fact that he’d finally seen you after all these years, and all the love was still there.

Whatever it was, Dean took the photo out of his wallet, folding it so you were barely in the picture, before putting it up against the photo on the fridge, replacing Charlie with himself.

His heart clenched, noticing how perfect it looked.

You and Dean, with your little baby.

That had always been his dream.

But he’d thrown his dream away long ago.

And now, he’d have to live with that fact, spending the rest of his days hunting and drinking away the pain, while you spent your life with a man who loved you wholly, and a child that you’d die for.

Dean had truly lost his happiness.

And he had no one but himself to blame.


End file.
